Wednesday, April 4, 2018

There She Was

“ you’re sure of it then?” 

‘Yes.’ The word came out like a sentence. I’ve never felt this way about any one or any thing before. My eyes shifted. I thought back to times that had already passed and felt myself exhale, reassured. For a tiny second I contemplated the fallibility of memory and the subtle disproof of having already accounted for self bias. I looked back at him. Well what do you think, what do you say?

“I think that you’ve come a long way, baby.”


“What is it that you like about her?”

‘How much time do you have?’ The second question had not yet answered the first, it was true, but sounded malicious and hung in the air. The man caught on quick. We’d seemingly just sat down, and yet the union already felt rushed. 
“Ok. How about the things that you don’t like about her?” I looked him in the eye. 
‘Only one comes to mind.’ 
An eyebrow raised, and the answer seemed to come quick. “Oh?” said the man, his skin for a moment creased in the corner of his eye, years of experience evident in the wrinkle that formed. “And what’s that?” The answer that came implicated us both. 
‘The drinking.’ 


“So what make you think that you two won’t just take each other down?”

For the first time in my life it felt like i had all the right answers, yet i still felt powerless. ‘We’d be stronger together.’ I said, getting dizzy. I felt the room go in reverse. It was true, and i had been given enough time to think about, but what was also true was that when we were together i had not treated her as she deserved. The old man snapped his fingers in my face, instantly reviving me from the flashback. “So you have changed - but what about you has changed?” I had to internalize the question, to face it, re-live it and and become the answer again. ‘I had to find myself,’ i said, finally calm, ‘to learn how to love myself, and though i have bad days - i do.’ 

I felt dizzy again. My second thought was that yes, maybe i had finally grown up.


Fast-forward to today. I remind myself that everything happens for a reason. I’ve been getting up earlier more naturally, yet still hungover. We all need projects to work on, and i feel that I’m a good project. I work on myself for a little bit thinking in my head about how this project will never end. I think back to previous projects - the things that i kept failing at when i tried to do them alone. I found that i just needed a little bit of help from someone that knew what to do, had done it before, overcome it and could kind of take me there and show me the right way, like a friend - in a friendly way. 
‘That’s what i think i can do for her’ i tell the old man as i get up to leave. I don’t wait for a response, but i know that he agrees. 

(( e. allweil 2018 ))

Sunday, June 29, 2014

I'm a materialistic piece of shit (and i love it)

It's been a while. Some things have changed and yet other behaviour remains more consistent: I found out that I really, really like good looking shoes and find them sexy almost without fault. It beguiles me to this day that I haven't grown more feet - why would i continue buying more shoes?

Monday, April 15, 2013

Carl Hammoud, Everybody:

I've realized that half of the satisfaction i get from art comes from continuously attempting to lump little bits of everything together, as if behind the curtains of this giant benignity we call life i might discover some semblance of a plan.

I recently came upon Carl Hammoud through 12oz Prophet and i was reminded of a time i spent working for a racist Israeli selling piles of useless shit in a set of warehouses. Each day as the sun would set and the air would turn yellow i would revisit the horde of filth and catch it cast in a heavenly glow. For a few lonely minutes, the pile looked like a scene of heaven.

I also once worked at a library, which was a pleasant time that conjures less colourful metaphors.

I am reminded of both of those times in a happy sort of hindsight as i gaze into these very mindful pieces: The colour palette reminds me of DuChamp, the form reminds me of Samuel Bak and Ai Wei Wei, and parts of the imagery remind me of my good friend Magritte.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Thursday, February 28, 2013


No, i’m not talking about a savory dish or a recipe on how to make one. I’m talking about the slang term for ‘get along already’. I came across a rather heartwarming story today of not just beef getting crushed or breaded with squash, but an exemplary artistic way of explaining oneself:

    Somewhere near the Bay Area in 1993 the graffiti artist Keep6 was involved ‘in a beef’ with the MBC crew. Keep6 threw up a giant piece that said ‘KEEPFUCKINGSIX’ [see picture] in his own wild style on the side of an appropriate building. RaiseOne of MBC kept and morphed Keep6’s letters into an equally big burner that read ‘RAISEFUCKINGONE’.

Fortunately Keep6 seems like a very understanding guy and immediately dropped the ego and the beef. Everyone likes a happy ending, so there.

Once i find pis of the RaiseOne piece i’ll throw them up here too.

Keep on keeping on. Six times forever, baby.


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

It is my moral duty to pass this on:


 [now in Werner Herzog's voice:]


It's less than 20 minutes long.

A boy learns to play the piano.

And literally only for 'fucks sake':


Audience Award – Dead By Dawn Film Festival (2012)
Best Animation, Best Experimental – SOTW awards (2012)
Special Mention – Bolzano Short Film Festival (2011)
Best Short Film – Ljubljana Intl. Film Festival (2011)
Best Short Film – Anim’est IAFF Romania (2011)
Grand Prix – Tallinn Black Nights Film Festival (2011)
Audience award – Tallinn Black Nights Film Festival (2011)
“Most Actual Animation” Award – Multivision Festival (2011)
Audience award – Uppsala Intl Short Film Festival (2011)
Best Contemporary / Experimental Short  – Sapporo Shortfest (2011)
CRYPTON Best Sound Award – Sapporo Shortfest (2011)
Grand Prix “Golden Kuker” – The International AnimationFilm Festival Sofia (2011)
Best Direction Award – ANIMAGE – III International Animation Festival (2011)
Best International Short (Independent) – Playgrounds Festival (2011)
Best Short Film Award – Anim’est IAFF Romania (2011)
Golden Gate Award – Best Animation – San Francisco Film Festival (2011)
Best film in category “10-50 minutes” – KROK (2011)
Grand Prix – 25FPS Festival (2011)
Audience Award – 25FPS Festival (2011)
Grand Prix – Fantoche Film Festival (2011)
Grand Prix – Silhouette Short Film Festival (2011)
Jury Special Mention – AyeAye Film Festival (2011)
European Youth Jury Special Mention – Aye Aye F.Festival (2011)
Special Achievement Award – ANIMANIMA (2011)
Audience Award – ANIMANIMA (2011)
Best International Animation – Anibar (2011)
Best Short Animation – Guanajuato Intl Film Festival (2011)
Jurys Special Mention – Melbourne Animation Festival (2011)
Best Animation – Tabor Film Festival (2011)
Special Mention – Curtocircuito Festival (2011)
Vox Veronicae Award – Tabor Film Festival (2011)
Audience Award – Vienna Independent Shorts (2011)
ASIFA Austria Award – Vienna Independent Shorts (2011)
Award of Distinction – Prix Ars Electronica (2011)
Grand Prix – Intl. Festival of Animated Film Stuttgart (2011)
Golden Gate Award – Best Animation – SFIFF (2011)
Grand Prix – Hallucinations Collectives (2011)
Best Short Film – Obliqua Section – Mecal (2011)
Adobe Award – Regensburg Short Film Week (2011)
Best Animation – Tampere Film Festival (2011)
International Audience Award – Minimalen Film Festival (2011)
GoShort – Best Animation (2011)
IFTA – Best Animation (2011)
Canal + Award – Clermont Ferrand (2011)
Honorary Mention – Sundance (2011)
Best Animation/Yoram Gross Award – Flickerfest (2011)
Public Award – S. de la Cinémathèque Québécoise (2010)
Youth Award for best short film – Gijon Film festival (2010)
Berlin Award – Interfilm (2010)
Grand Prize – Kurzfilmtage Winterthur (2010)
Special Mention – Cork Film Festival (2010)
Grand Prize – Ottawa Animation Festival (2010)
Best Experimental Film – Rio De Janeiro SFF (2010)
Special Mention – Rio De Janeiro SFF (2010)
Special Mention – Intl. Film Festival Bratislava (2010)
EFA Nomination – Venice Film Festival (2010)